25 February 2010

Bible Codes

One of my favorite things to do is to channel surf on Saturday mornings. It's the only time that my TV watching is truly casual (all other TV watching consists of watching sports or trying to keep up with a demanding schedule of shows that I've committed to watch). There are few things in life better than spending the hours of 9:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m. lying in bed watching random live TV while the kids replicate the chaos and destruction of the Oklahoma land rush on the other side of our bedroom door.

While engaged in this pastime, Cali and I have twice come across the History Channel's fantastic program called "Bible Codes: Predicting Armageddon". Drawn in by the tractor-beam-like title of the progam, on both occasions we've given an hour of our Saturday morning to the History Channel in hopes of getting some inside information about the end of the world. Both times, we were not disappointed.

Now it should be noted that I don't read Hebrew, I don't have access to an algorithm that searches for code matrices in the Torah, and I have not committed years of my life to growing the most awesome facial hair imaginable, so I'm clearly no authority on Bible Codes. But the chaps on this program can tick all of the boxes referenced above so I tend to take them pretty seriously when it comes to turning the Torah into a hybrid Magic 8 Ball/crossword puzzle.

For example, the program shows various word matrices found in the Torah making supposed reference to historic events. Everything from Shakespeare to Napoleon, Edison to Einstein, the Holocaust to 9/11, and the Wright Brothers to the moon landing are mentioned. And once you've seen enough proof to believe that these codes are 2 Legit to Quit, the program cuts away to commercial with a teaser that makes me pull the blankets up to my chin: what if these codes also predict the future?

Boom. You just sat through a commercial about the Yard Weasel and the Ab-Lounger because you're watching live TV and you cannot afford to miss what's coming next: the end of the world. One of the Bible Codes dudes mentions that the codes indicate that the beginning of the end has already started. Among other things, he says the codes predict that a massive earthquake will hit California in 2010. In fairness to seismologists everywhere, you don't have to be a Bible Codes guru to correctly predict an earthquake in California (where about 1,000 earthquakes happen annually in southern California alone, according to the first Google search result on the phrase "how many earthquakes happen in California each year"). But if you hear about a "big one" in California this year, you're going to remember that these Bible Codes guys have been keeping it real since 2003. What else do they know?

Listen, I hope you're not expecting me to spoil this show for you by giving away the ending. You want to know what happens - then put in the time just like I have. Saturday morning. History Channel. Be there.

[Wanna sneak preview? Check out Professor Robert A. Haralick, Roy A. Reinhold, Mordechai Gafni and friends.]


Supercords said...

Great post. I get sucked in by shows like that too. Good thing I rarely bother to watch TV, or I'd waste even more time in from of the screen. (yes, that's possible)

Cali said...

The only good part about that show was watching it with you. It reminded me of psychic readings..."you have been disappointed by someone you love recently"....really?

duke of earl said...

it begs the question: is facial hair required to be a code researcher, and if so, does the facial hair itself also act as some type of code?