11 July 2007

the smoke and the haze

Big fires are burning. People are dying. Nobody I know, so in a way, nobody is dying. But it just as easily could have been someone I knew. Then I would be saying, "Big fires are burning. Part of me has died."

I have some fantastic comforts that afford me the luxury of thinking about things that really matter. Spending time trying to peer through the haze.

Hot water - everyday, on command. The cool smoothness of a clean wood floor on my bare feet.

It's easy to say that the comforts I have aren't really what matter in life. And that's true, by the way; they aren't really what matter, but the point is that it's easy for me to say it because I already have them. Wake up, I have them. Go to bed, wake up, and I still have them.

I come from a time and place where not having those things was always on my mind. And getting them someday mattered a lot. There's no way my parents will ever know or understand how their decisions and circumstances drove me to be the way I am now. The times that there was smoke and haze were the times that awakened the part of me that vowed never to be choked of it.

I don't choke on it now, even though it is out there. Nobody is coughing, sputtering, or dying. Someday there might be choking - I've seen enough to know that. But I won't choke on it today, or tomorrow. Instead, there will be hot water for everyone.


allison said...

ne of my favorite things to do has always been to listen to you talk or read your writing....did you ever know that? So much of what I read here feels like sitting in your living room listening to you, and that feels nice. Welcome to blogdom...

Lindsay said...

I second what Alli says...I'm glad to see you're on here now so I can check in on you a little more often :)

Supercords said...

After reading one of Ash's posts, I think we should go to Callie's Cafe on Saturday night, eat dinner, and watch karaoke. Perhaps a movie afterward.

mumovearls said...

Love the blog Ryan and I read it on the regular now keep it coming-nena