11 July 2007

the smoke and the haze


Big fires are burning. People are dying. Nobody I know, so in a way, nobody is dying. But it just as easily could have been someone I knew. Then I would be saying, "Big fires are burning. Part of me has died."


I have some fantastic comforts that afford me the luxury of thinking about things that really matter. Spending time trying to peer through the haze.


Hot water - everyday, on command. The cool smoothness of a clean wood floor on my bare feet.


It's easy to say that the comforts I have aren't really what matter in life. And that's true, by the way; they aren't really what matter, but the point is that it's easy for me to say it because I already have them. Wake up, I have them. Go to bed, wake up, and I still have them.


I come from a time and place where not having those things was always on my mind. And getting them someday mattered a lot. There's no way my parents will ever know or understand how their decisions and circumstances drove me to be the way I am now. The times that there was smoke and haze were the times that awakened the part of me that vowed never to be choked of it.


I don't choke on it now, even though it is out there. Nobody is coughing, sputtering, or dying. Someday there might be choking - I've seen enough to know that. But I won't choke on it today, or tomorrow. Instead, there will be hot water for everyone.


4 comments:

allison said...

ne of my favorite things to do has always been to listen to you talk or read your writing....did you ever know that? So much of what I read here feels like sitting in your living room listening to you, and that feels nice. Welcome to blogdom...

Lindsay said...

I second what Alli says...I'm glad to see you're on here now so I can check in on you a little more often :)

Supercords said...

After reading one of Ash's posts, I think we should go to Callie's Cafe on Saturday night, eat dinner, and watch karaoke. Perhaps a movie afterward.

mumovearls said...

Love the blog Ryan and I read it on the regular now keep it coming-nena